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Old 12-31-2013, 06:17 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

I saw C today. For the first time since we broke up in July.
It was beautiful and difficult. He gave me back the stuff that was still at his house. I gave him back his key. We sat outside and had coffee. He basically told me he wants me back. He thinks I rushed into breaking up - that I did not give the new situation (him and his new GF) enough time.
I think I will reread the blog I wrote here tomorrow - but even without doing that, i think I can say I did not rush into breaking up. There were months of pain and him drifting away.

I told him that the fact he took the sex out of our relationship was not ok. That sex is important to me, as a language, as a way to communicate. And that it was not ok that he reproached me for saying that sex was important.

He said it was possible that things would be different now.

I said it was not ok that there were times he said 'we could go to this place but oh no we can't because my other GF might be there and she does not want to see you'.

He said it was possible that things would be different now.

He said he would like me in his life. That I am important to him. That I could come see him and spend the night. Then I gave him back his key and he said 'are you sure you want to give it back?'

I did not respond much to the things he said. I need to think. Can we be friends? Will I always be too frustrated because I wanted him so much (and even today I could feel I am still very much attracted to him)?

I don't know. I am confused. I did not expect this.

Part of me says I should be open to any kind of relationship configuration that makes me feel good. Part of me says there's no going back.

Need to sit on this for a while.

Also - things with Brig are awesome. The love is growing. I went to a family function with him - his mum came over and hugged me. The funny thing is - I don't feel pressured or anything. It's like he doesn't attach meaning to things the way most people would. Like meeting his family - this was not a big deal to him. It was more like "I have this family thing and it's kind of boring and it would be more fun for me if you are there, wanna come?"
So I am trying to go with the flow here and succeeding, pretty well. I feel really good when I am with him. I love getting to know him and opening myself up. It's beautiful and scary and wonderful. More, yes, please.

Today is the last day of the year. Spending it at home with Ren. I have issues with this day - all the pent up energy, all the people feeling the same thing at the same time. I will be glad when tomorrow comes and the new year begins.

Had drinks with one of my best friends earlier today. Lots of messaging with other friends. I am so very blessed in my friendships and the way people love and support me.

Best wishes to all! May love and trust and happiness guide you.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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