again, thank you all. you have been a guiding light to me in this sad time.
B and I have had minimal conversation since the conversation about space, just an e-mail she sent me, but she expressed great sadness and apology for the energy she has been putting off and for "pulling me into it in the worst way" i think that this puts a lot of doubts aside that I had that she was unappreciative or neglectful of me and my effort to support her. the greater compromise and push/pull of relationships is tricky, but i have no ill will towards her for deciding to do what's best for her right now. she noted that being with me right now is unfair to me, because she is slowly trying to break circles of negative thought. i'd like to share a quote that i've found helpful in this time in case anyone wants to hear, it's from a TED talk on vulnerability by brene brown.
"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others".
i admire her all the more in knowing this process and have no trouble in understanding where she is at with my utmost empathy. I'm still upset for the time being because of my own emotions regarding "timing" - it has extinguished some wonderful relationships that I've had in the past. it seems like something that I will be working on dealing with for the continued future.
perhaps i will start a journal, but for now, my words feel a little exhausted and my heart is a little sore. even if this is the end of this chapter right now, you definitely haven't seen the last of me. i'll be reading on. thanks again, everyone.