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Old 12-30-2013, 10:44 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,973

Is it a hard limit that will NEVER change over time? Or a soft limit that could change over time? Has he been clear on what kind of personal limitation/limit this is for him?

You could make your next choices based on that information:

1) You are willing to play within that limit so he is comfortable and willing to polyship with you.
Doesn't matter if soft or hard limit, because you are willing to play within it. HOW you do it?
  • That means you remain Closed to just him and let go of polyshipping want. (No man in sight.)
  • That means you polyship only with women. Let go of want to polyship with men and women. (No man in sight.)
2) It is a hard limit for him. You are NOT willing to play within that hard limit.
  • You break up with each other.
  • You are free to pursue polyshipping without him.
  • He is now free from having to considering polyshipping with another guy and you.

3) It is a soft limit. You are willing (for now) to go with it. He is willing to work on changing it.

You both could clarify these things next:

a) He is willing/able to do _____ at this time to help move it forward and begin to change the limit at a pace that is comfortable for him AND you.

b) You are willing/able to do _____ at this time to help move it forward and and begin to change the limit at a pace that is comfortable for him AND you.

c) Progress will be measured in terms of ____(X articles read? Y things tried? Something else?)__. Your next check in will be on _____ date.
4) You have no idea what kind of limit it is. He is not giving you responsiveness. He is not willing to even converse.
a) You could GUESS what it is that bugs him if you think articulating is the hold up. He wants to tell you but is not ABLE because he cannot form the words and needs help in the thinking process.

Is he afraid of competing? Being demoted somehow? Or core beliefs getting in his way?

I don't know if this helps to read together, but it reminded me of this older thread and my response to it.

b) You could give him one more shot to respond. Could tell him

"I would prefer to make a decision together and have your input on board. I am giving you final opportunity to respond. If you do not respond with anything by X date, then I have no other choice but to make a decision for myself without your input taken on board. It is not reasonable to stonewall just because a conversation feels hard to have. I am willing to have the conversation. I am willing to help you articulate. But if you are just not willing to have the conversation or have my help in articulating, then you are not just not willing at this time. I have to accept it."
5) Mix and match the above? Something else that I cannot think of right now?

I don't know if my POV helps you. Hang in there but do sort yourselves out.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-30-2013 at 11:04 PM.
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