Originally Posted by Atlantis
I am still unclear of how and why to let a relationship go. Sometimes it is easy to see, sometimes it is not. Is what I have been experiencing kind of normal? Trying hard to make it work in some cases, not trying in others.
This really hit home with me. I tend to talk about my relationships a lot. I'm excited about them. I want to be able to share them. I love when people are interested in them.
I told a couple of my co-workers about Susan and one was very interested. The other was sort of shocked by the whole thing, but wasn't judgemental. It's just really surprising. He's kind of naive about some things. It was nice to be able to tell them though. Several weeks ago now, when I thought Susan and I were done, I broke down at work, and wasn't able to talk about it. Now I can. Relieves some burden because being a private person is very hard for me.
Unfortunately, one of the side effects is that you typically talk about relationships when something bad happens. People wind up hearing about the bad day and not about the good month. So I've been getting lots of advice that Susan is bad for me and it's an unhealthy relationship.
There's times when I can see it. On Saturday, I spent time with a new girl. She really likes hanging out with me and with whichever group of friends I take her to. She's fun and engaged. That's pretty hard to find someone that fits in everywhere. But it was ultimately unsatisfying because it wasn't Susan. I felt sad and lonely. I did get a few minutes to say good night, and she got upset (feeling responsible for not spending enough time with me) which makes her withdraw. It's one of the few times I've ever needed her and she ran away instead. Of course, I wasn't clear about it. But it's a serious issue. Most of the time I cannot share negative feelings with her or she freaks out. She comes back, and we talk about it, but it breeds resentment.
Most of the time I can't see it. I love having her around. She makes me a better person. The list is so long of what she does for me.
I'm clearly not objective about it though. I asked Stakes and Kay. Stakes doesn't see much negative life spillover. Kay said it's borderline. There are things that come up that are serious issues, but we seem to navigate them ok.
So for now, it's not time to let the relationship go.