It's been forever since I posted an update, so I feel like I need to, but I feel so down today that I'm going to try to keep it as unemotional as I can.
About three weeks ago, we attended a school event as a family. Monkey, Ocean, and Rockstar all attend the same school. Easy was very relaxed, putting his arms around both Asha and I, and no one even blinked at us, as far as I could tell. I was envious again, that they can be so affectionate in public. I didn't see Sunday pretty much all night.
The next Monday Asha received a phone call that her aunt had died. Asha's father had just undergone open heart surgery and was scheduled to be released that day in her aunt's care. Asha rushed to fly home because her father couldn't be left alone, and the rest of us scrambled to arrange care for Ocean and Rockstar when they're not in school. It's been difficult for Sunday, and he's spent a lot of time not letting Easy and me help. At least, that's how I feel. I'm frustrated because I promised Asha I would make sure he was taken care of while she's gone, and also because we're supposed to be family, right?
We had plans the following weekend, which Sunday cancelled on. We went to a show with some other friends that we were supposed to go to with Asha. I considered not going to the show at all, but I had already invited these other friends before Asha left, and also this night out was part of an agreement that Easy made to help me get some time away from being a full-time parent. (I'm very bad at taking care of my own needs, and as a result we recently realized I hadn't had a girl's night out in 8 years.) I talked Sunday into going swimming with us on Sunday, and I think he got some good adult time.
This last Saturday was Easy's birthday, which was sad because Asha couldn't be there. We made Sunday go to a meadery with us, and I took some of our female friends to a bath and body store that Asha loves. The original intent had been to take Asha there, and since she wasn't able to come I wanted to postpone, but we had promised to drag these friends there so I took them. However, Asha's been having a miserable time and it just made her more miserable to miss everything, and she felt terribly left out. So on Easter she was upset. Sunday cancelled his Easter plans with my family to spend time alone. I was miserable. I considered breaking up with Sunday. Sunday called in the afternoon and suggested that we come up for dinner. Easy talked me into accepting a gesture of peace. We packed the kids in the car and drove to Sunday's house. We had a weird, stilted dinner. Afterward, I made some suggestions to Sunday about how to make peace with Asha. I suggested backing away from our relationship. When we left there was a hug but no kiss. Easy and I called Asha even though she asked us to leave her alone for a day. I know that was bad of us, but sometimes it's better to take the mad right away than to let it build for longer. We expressed that we all missed her and loved her and that of course we wanted her here. I don't know if it helped her, but she seemed a little better by the end of the conversation. But with Asha that can be deceiving--she can compartmentalize and deal with stuff later, which I can't do.
This morning I met Sunday at school to take their puppy for the day. He seemed okay, but had heard that we had "disobeyed" our instructions and called Asha. No one was surprised. The talk seemed brief, the hug seemed briefer than usual. I can't help feeling stupid for thinking this relationship might actually work out.
Monkey got accepted to a Gifted and Talented program. Ocean tested ahead of her grade level in several areas. I am a proud poly parent.
I told Easy that I loved him and Asha and wouldn't stand in the way of their relationship. I'm depressed and feeling adrift. I'm really sick of living my life in a holding pattern. And I'm going to stop here. Sorry this is not happy.