Thread: Sailing Solo
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Old 12-29-2013, 07:37 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,032

Okay, I've been reading all along and wanted to comment on some of your past posts, but didn't so I am going to try and catch up now...

Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
Don't know if I can stick with the pair of them till the 8th. I have been tossing and turning all night . . . I know he does hierarchical relationships. He has a primary, and I am secondary, but apparently I got bumped down even further to "available hole" level. Thanks, but no thanks.
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
I put on my big girl panties and broke up with Prof in person.
Available hole, ugh. I always use the term "convenient slit." Either way, who needs or wants that shit? Good for you for ending it.

Well, one down, one more to go!

Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
Talked to mum about what is going on. She surprised me by saying but it's an open relationship dear, you can't expect to know what is going on, just because you tell tell them, doesn't mean they need to tell you. You know neither of them is looking for a commitment and neither are you. So why are you surprised by this? I explained my shock at the lying , she didn't think it was lying more being economical with the truth.
While, yes, this does indicate a certain open-mindedness on your mother's part, I think what she said is also in keeping one major misconception about poly that many people have - and that is that if you're poly you can't ask for or expect any kind of commitment from anyone. People think it's all about being loosey-goosey and flitting around from one hook-up to another. However, even if you want the parameters of your relationships to be somewhat more casual or less structured than most mainstream ones, it doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to count on someone or trust them at their word. It doesn't mean you can't have agreements and abide by them. And it certainly doesn't mean you will never have a reason to be disappointed! And these two schmucks have been rather disappointing!

Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
I told Kip I was back on OKC, he was slightly miffed. Doesn't want my dating to take anytime away from him, he is my "priority". He is setting up a lunch date with Me.2, lots of naked pics and questions about sex.

Neither of them have actually asked Me.2 what is my name or what I do for a living, nothing that I have had to lie about. It is all about them, what they are looking for and what they have to offer, same things they promised me in the beginning.

The Me.2 experiment( not that it was meant to be) has been very eye opening. They are spinning the same lines that they gave me when we met. Available time, both have plenty, willingness to travel and have weekends away, understanding partners, drama free, Prof apparently has a few short rules, no mention of 2 pages or veto.
As sneaky as it is to have a Me2 profile, you sure got to see them for their true colors. Sheesh, not even asking your name but sending naked pics! What kind of crap is that?

And I really don't get why Kip thinks he can get all bossy with you and tell you what to do with your life and your body. That is very prickish of him.

Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
I had an online chat with Kip this afternoon . . . I feel ready to meet and let him lie to my face some more, then tell him I know everything . . . I am done with him.
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
The upshot is, I still want to do the swap in January, it is condoms all round, and this will probably be my last foray into multiple sex. I want to check it off my fuckit list.
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
So 2 weeks or so till the 4 way. Kip has said he will pick up all of the hotel bill so I can have the room to myself afterwards. He wants me to have a nice treat. I had put together a list of possibilities and emailed it to him, so the king suite with balcony and view it is! I was touched at the gesture, despite the lying, he has always been very sweet and generous.
You know what? Kip is not your last chance in the world to have group sex! Why not do it with someone who deserves to be with you in that way? There are actually good, kind, respectful, honest men out there in the world who I am sure would do it with you. My vote (I know you didn't say you are taking votes, but here's mine anyway) is to dump him too. Now. Diamond earrings, paying a hotel room, and the promise of group sex is no reason to stick with an arrogant, domineering liar.

Now hear this: you deserve better!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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