I don't know how I was fortunate enough to come across you but I am glad I have. It is like reading a biography right now. My husband has always been a flirtatious one. And apparently he has cheated on me in the past without me knowing. These were all one night stands. I found out about his coworker on accident. She was more than a one night stand this time. I was never suppose to know about her. But I found out and when everything, including past women, came out I had to make a decision. I had to decide if with all of this my marriage was worth fighting for. The thought of ending a nearly 15 year relationship with someone I loved so very much made me sick to my stomach. More sick than knowing about what he had done. When we talked everything out a few weeks ago I realized how important this was to him and how much he needed to take on this lifestyle but didn't want to loose me in the process. So I agreed. And it has been very very hard for me.
I have had many talks with him and her. She and I have become friends. But I can only talk to her to an extent. Because otherwise she creates a bit of a dramatic situation about how she is only putting me through pain and yet she loves him so much. I know she is beginning to love my husband more than her own, although I don't think she would leave hers unless something happened to my marriage. She has even thrown out the thought that if she and my husband worked and I stayed home with all the kids, we would have such a happy life. I very quickly put a stop on that one. I am the wife and mother and also have a job. I am not her nanny. I have my own daughter to take care of.
I do participate in threesomes with them sometimes. But that does not change how I feel about how hard this is on me. I still hate that they love each other. I really hate that she loves him more than her own husband, but like i said I don't believe she will do anything about that.
I didn't know myself all those years ago. Neither did he. But here we are trying to adapt to a new lifestyle.
You said you don't feel like you have a choice. I have had people tell me on here that you do. And I know that is true. But when you choose this, it doesn't mean it is the easy choice, just because it may be the right one.
I find it very easy to get angry at the little things that I know we will make for in the end. I hold back on alot of the serious issues because I am so afraid that we won't make it through those conversations. I have cried more in the past two months than our entire marriage. And yet somehow we are coming out stronger than we have been in about five years. Amazing how that works huh?
KT I am here if you need someone to lean on as well. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. But I am glad to know that I am not alone, especially being a mono on a poly site. I came here in search for some understanding myself. I have gotten alot and I have done much on the suggested reading lists. I just have to keep researching in hopes to finding answers to my anger and insecurity issues.
Also, I am sorry for piggy backing on your thread here, it is just so similar to my own situation.