Thank you! I hope you all enjoyed your holidays. It is summertime at home, and Christmas in the summer is an odd concept for me. I am used to temperatures barely above/below freezing and snow, but we were on the beach and soaking up the sun. I am happy my children enjoyed themselves. That is really all I could ask for. We have started our annual New Years' holiday, so I am happy to be still for a few days.
I never imagined that we would foster and ultimately adopt a teenager. An older child was on my mind, though. It saddened me when I found out that children 12+ usually age out at 18 and never have a sense of family or stability. People gravitate towards the ones that are younger because they believe they can form attachments and get to them before they are too damaged.
I knew I wanted to have another child, but after my last pregnancy, I snapped back to reality. We looked at alternate options, and through one of the charities we both work with, the idea of fostering a child became more than a conversational piece. The idea appealed to us. We have been blessed, and while we cannot take in every child, we did love the idea of having the ability to possibly improve the quality of a child's life.
We met her, and it was really organic. She was waiting to be placed for the umpteenth time, so I was making small talk and getting to know her and the other young people in the home. We felt a connection with her, and over the months, we built a rapport with her. In my mind, I had set a time frame in mid-late 2014 or even 2015, but the powers that be set something entirely different in motion. The person that was supposed to foster her fell through, and it was like opportunity knocking. It felt right, and DH agreed. It was not an overnight decision. We had upwards of five months to pull the plug, but that was never an option to us.
Is this bound to be challenging? Yes! She is a teenager. That in itself is a scary thought. (Cringing at my own teenage years.) Add in her history and most people would run away. We are embracing it. We have undergone training, so we are well aware that things might not always be this perfect. I have a 15 year old brother, so we have our work cut out. We are not on our own. We have a team to help ease the transition, numerous training sessions keep us educated, and caring professionals to support the entire family. We feel confident in our ability to successfully integrate her into our family and legally make her a member of our family.
We are adopting her, and we are the first couple to pursue and carry out the interest in adopting her. We started the process, and if we are lucky, it might will be finalised before 2014 ends. I am not expecting a quick turnaround when it comes to dealing with the courts because adoptions are not very common in our particular state.
If I truly believed in poly or even just had poly tendencies, the one thing I must have believed at some point was that love was infinite and expansive. Instead of channeling my love and time into a second romantic relationship, I opted to pursue something that felt like my calling. It became a choice. In my mind, there was no way to foster/adopt a child, be there for her, and maintain what my family has now with pursuing poly again. I realise love is infinite, but time is finite. I made entirely too many mistakes in the past regarding my time and how I divvied out my time.
This has already been incredibly rewarding. I am learning more and more about myself. My heart is overflowing with love, and I have been humbled to the core. I have a new respect for those individuals that survive harrowing experiences and rough upbringings. I had empathy before, but it has made me stop and take stock of my own blessings. I am blessed to have never experienced what she and others have, and my attitude reflects such. I make sure to tell my parents that I love them every day. Every day with my family is my lucky day. I am simply happy to wake up and a get a chance to better than I was yesterday.
Personal growth is a beautiful thing.