I am most hurt because I really thought this was something I could trust Tom in. I am most hurt with myself because I misjudged trusting Tom. The whole thing is making me second guess how much I trust Tom in and out of the bedroom. And it's making me second guess my ability to judge how much trust to put in Tom.
Could not dwell. Move it forward.
To me this is a co-owned mistake, and mistakes will
happen in polyshipping. Nobody is perfect. More so than the mistake making, it's how you handle it moving forward.
People might be "WILLING" to polyship, but some of the "ABLE" is going to be learned in practice. There's going to be a learning curve.
Yes, the agreement was "use condoms with other people so that we can be safe in our sex health. "
- To that end? So he can keep his agreements? He could have had condoms on hand to help himself meet his agreement with you and keep his own sex health safe.
- To that end? So you can be safe until you can trust Tom skills in a new situation? You could have ALSO had "condoms with me" on there. Then you are 2 barriers in rather than 1 barrier that depends only on Tom's follow through.
You did check in with him though. Plus for you.
He wasn't forthcoming, but he did respond. Plus for him.
Both made some mistakes, both have some plus things.
Could talk, sort it out, and then play ball.
I'm glad writing it out is helping you take the edge off. Hang in there.