Peanut butter, headaches, & choices
This came to me when messaging P on his break today...
Pain is a funny thing.
Like when you have a headache and all you can focus on is how much the pain hurts.
I really like creamy peanut butter.
Eating peanut butter gives me a headache.
Sometimes I still eat peanut butter.
Doesn't make the the headache any less painful.
I have only myself to blame for the pain. Peanut butter was just being itself.
It was my choice to eat it that caused my pain.
I wish my love and desire for P was as simple as that.
Except, peanut butter does not feel pushed aside or rejected if I do not eat it. Peanut butter does not care if I do not buy it, or if it sits on the shelf untouched, and is not hurt if I choose another food for my source of protein or yet another food for the creamy mouth-feel.
It is easy to set aside peanut butter. Yes, I still long for it. I recall the flavors, texture, aroma. But if I never have another Reese's peanut butter cup or PB&honey sandwich, my life will easily go on, with just an occasional pang of longing when I see the jar on the shelf in the store.