So this is what she proposes at this time.
- Gf accepts me having sex with my bf.
- Gf says no interactions with other guys without her being involved
It is less than clear.
- For HOW LONG is this next time frame where those points are the guiding boundaries? Maybe you are ok with this if it is "For the next month" and maybe you are not ok with it if it is for the next decade.
- "Involve" her in WHAT WAY in the process? Like a threesome only with her there? Or you give her the heads up before you proceed to date a person? Or date them, but give her a heads up and labs before it gets to naked/sex? Some of that you may find reasonable to you and some you might not.
Did you AGREE to uphold this already? Or are you only considering her proposal at this point in time and considering it is wigging you out? That part isn't clear to me either.
She asked me to give her more credit and confidence that she's working towards giving me what I want, and I'm trying. I'm just scared. I guess I just maybe need more details.
Could play ball and actually ask for the details you need to feel secure.
It's hard for me to get so detailed about things because I don't want to hurt anyone or make things uncomfortable or maybe I'm also afraid of hearing things I don't want to.
- How is you asking for more information hurting anyone? Who does it hurt?
- Who is uncomfortable if you ask for more information? You? Her? Are you experiencing great comfort NOW when you do NOT ask?
- What are you afraid of hearing? How does this prevent you from asking for the info you need to feel reassured?
If you need more details from her for YOU to know/be reassured
she isn't foot dragging or stringing you along, could you ASK for details.
Could deal with whatever you feel about the answer after you HAVE the answer rather than "pre-feeling/what iffing" stuff. That's a good way to make yourself nuts. Could stop doing that.
- RELATE. Negotiate here. communicate, and get what you need. Then you can move on to the next thing.
- Or DON'T RELATE. Call it a day, no matter how disappointing. Then you can move on to the next thing.
This dragging it out stuff... it is not serving either of you. Play ball. Or don't play. But move it forward.
I know I need to be asking HER these things, but I'm the kind of person that really needs to have all my thoughts laid out first before saying anything. Also I have no idea wtf I'm doing so some clarity or validation would be nice.
So could lay out your thoughts and get some feedback.
- What do you MEAN you don't know what you are doing?
- What do you need validated?
- What do you need clarified?
You have a BF, you have a GF. You seem to want to date more people.
The BF seems fine with it. How did you tell him that is different than how you tell your GF?
It it very simple sounding to me. Hard to feel, but pretty straight up to ASK --
"GF, I have a BF and I have a GF (you.)
At this time, I would like to date other people and still maintain concurrent relationships with you and BF.
What needs do I need to meet for you in order for you to be willing/able to participate in that sort of arrangement? Could you be up for that? Or just not up for it at all ever? Where do you stand so that I can know?"