Thread: Err...Hey
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Old 12-25-2013, 11:35 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
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Greetings Bromios,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are somewhat isolated and in need of someone to talk to. Polyamory.com is a bustling site with a wide range of people you can turn to. I'd suggest checking out our various threads and boards, to see what type of help you most need.

I'm usually good about keeping up with the intro board so whatever you post in this thread will always be good for a response (and usually will be on other threads and boards also).

It seems to me that you'll have to have a conversation with your husband about romantic relationships, as it'll almost certainly come up sooner or later. Best have that conversation sooner, before any outside romance has any chance to develop.

You should also be aware that often mentioning a new love interest to your monogamous husband is likely to cause your husband to have pangs of anger, irritability, and/or insecurity. Nobody likes to think they're being replaced by someone else, and it can feel that way if it seems to your husband like that someone else is all you ever talk about. It is indeed an NRE problem, and you must be very careful that your husband isn't sitting on the sidelines while your new love interest becomes your new star player. Pay close attention to your husband's needs and make sure you mention (and tend to) him at least as often as you do anyone else. When you're crushing on someone new it's all too easy to neglect your husband without realizing it.

I only state the above because I myself made that mistake when my monogamous wife was still with us. In my perception I was just sharing my all with her, which meant if I was strongly attracted to someone new and felt like rhapsodizing about them, I'd share that with her also. I rationalized that this was a way of acting loving towards my wife. However, I was not putting myself in her shoes, and as a result I almost ruined my marriage with her. You cannot be too careful when feelings strike for someone new, even if the new someone isn't returning those feelings. Don't let yourself grow inadvertently insensitive toward your spouse, as I did toward mine. Your husband will need lots of extra attention during this time of transition.

I think that if you do a search (preferably tag search) for NRE, you'll notice that many other people have also made the same mistake that I made.

I hope that we'll be able to help you, with any and all of the challenges you encounter as you try on this new model of loving people. It'll make a big difference that you can turn to Polyamory.com for advice and support.

Good luck and good love,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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