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Old 12-25-2013, 08:35 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
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wildflowers, thanks for your comment!

Over the years, I've thought a lot about the issue you mention, about a particular image how marriage is supposed to look like. We've changed it a lot; ours looks quite a bit different, though when we got married (about 5 years ago), it was closer to that. That's part of what's led to this situation, really: I've not been happy in many of the ways usually associated with marriage, whereas Alec might prefer them, but has put my happiness over those preferences. Most obvious practical examples are poly/non-monogamy and its consequences - how much (little) time I spend at home, etc. Not to say he's been completely unhappy with those choices, and he's held onto the things that he's considered important, but still, the small and big things pile up and lead to a situation where he's not happy.

What comes to my happiness, the trend is still outwards. I'd like to change things further, mostly in terms of my own life, but I feel, in some ways, restricted because of my relationship with Alec. So, no, it's not just his unhappiness - I, too, have things I'm not getting here.

***

Alright, since I last wrote about the situation with Alec, things have evolved. Basically, the decision has been made, and we're breaking up. In practice, he's going to move to Home Country in the spring/summer: the timing is mainly due to financial reasons. We'll be together until then what comes to practical organisation of our life: nothing's really changed all that much as of now. We still live together and continue to share finances and spend time together and have sex. But emotionally and in terms of commitment, things are of course rather different already.

Both of us were really sad for a few weeks, when we were working things out, but now we're both mostly relieved. Excited, too, as morbid as that sounds. We talk a bit about how we're looking forwards to our separate lives. In some sense, this phase we're in is pretty difficult, although we get along pretty much the same as we have for a long time already, in some ways better since we're not weighed down by the non-communication, but have discussed our feelings with each other. So, we both know where we are. Then again, the emotional side - where we both feel, at times, like we're not enough for each other - that still feels bad, is sort of in existence as long as we keep living together.

And there's stuff for me, that I'm going through, that I don't feel entirely comfortable talking to him about. Not that I couldn't; I can, and have in previous similar situations done so, but right now, I sort of don't see the point since the situation is what it is.
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