Originally Posted by jv02vd
Heyyo, thanks all for your advice.
I'm definitely going to try to work on this depression thing before I start seriously carrying through with anything. Even if I'm not "cured", I'm going to make sure I can make her happy to the best of my abilities before I even think of bringing anything up. And if it's been depression to blame, well, I've had it as long as I've known her (4-5 years now) so it's not something new and presumptive.
I do think I'll be bringing this up with her soon though. But even though a poly situation isn't my ideal, I think I'll at least give her that option. It's only fair, given the situation. And it'll give me a way to actually try and "win her back" properly. I lost her the first time because I was afraid to have her compare me to Mr Poly Guy, so it's only appropriate really that it should come to that now. I'd still like her to be monogamous with me eventually, and she'll know that even without me saying anything. But right now, I think she's important enough to me that I'm willing to accept what she's willing to give.
Wish me luck!
OK but she may not be willing to lose you again. Depends on how freely she loves. I have exes I would love to spend a few hot steamy nights with again, but the idea of building up a relationship only to have them say "I want you to myself, dump the rest" doesn't appeal to me. So that may be all you'd get from her... a few great nights.
That might be enough though. I've always been of the opinion that feelings are just that... feelings. Especially romantic feelings. They can be turned off if you really want to turn them off. A few nights with her might be enough to satisfy the cravings you've been having, lead you to a sense of closure and then you may be able to move on. 4 or 5 years is a lot of time to build something up in your mind to unrealistic proportions.
My advice would be not to approach her and offer her a particular relationship, but rather arrange to get together for a visit, have a few drinks and see how things develop. Love shouldn't be scheduled and arranged. (I realize in poly situations this is often unavoidable, lol... but I digress...) It should be spontaneous.
I think it would be a good idea for you to see her again and allow each other the chance to feel and experience all those good things again, but don't expect her to leave the other guy. It's just not gonna happen man. Have fun.