View Single Post
  #23  
Old 12-25-2013, 11:52 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,041
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
Situation now is:

*Gf accepts me having sex with my bf.
*Gf says no interactions with other guys without her being involved. No kissing or having anything go on with this other guy at all.

Seems kinda like she did a trade off like "well if you can have sex with your bf then you can't do anything w any other guys." She didn't say it in those words but I feel she thinks I should compromise because she's "allowing" me to sleep w my bf.
This is unacceptable. Only YOU and you alone, have a right to control what you do with your body and I am sure I probably said the same thing to you last year. Furthermore, it is absolutely ridiculous and demeaning for her to think she can insist on being involved with anyone else you want to be with. That person has a choice, too - why should she dictate not only your sex life but the sex life of whoever you get involved with as well? Who does she think she is? Do not accept her terms - is she a girlfriend or the boss of you? Come on now, really!

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
I don't think it should have ever been a question whether I'd have full control over my sex life w my bf. Totally regret ever giving in to that when it went down but she pretty much gave me an ultimatum . . . It's only been a month and a half since I first kissed the other guy when she said "no more" but it feels like it's been forever, lol.
I don't see how you can "LOL" about it. This is some serious shit - she has issues and wants to control you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
My gf was by my side through all of this, supporting me, saying he should let me be who I am. Now it makes me question if maybe she was only so supportive bc it benefited her (we liked the same "other" guy at the time.)
That was my first thought upon reading this - she is all about her happiness, not yours. You are being manipulated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
I don't know. I love her. Besides all the poly stuff, we get along fantastically. There are just a lot of traits with her way of loving and holding onto a relationship that make me want to RUN!
Why second-guess yourself? You are seeing the obvious red flags but putting blinders on and telling yourself that because you love her and have some good times with her, that you should put up with her nonsense. Love is not enough for a relationship to be healthy and satisfying! Sometimes the most loving thing we can do, for ourselves and others, is to let someone go. There has to be respect, too. I don't see much respect for who you are coming from her.

If I were you, I'd run without looking back!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote