View Single Post
Old 04-05-2010, 01:05 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Never once did I ever try to manipulate my way into a relationship with LR, never once did I try to make Maca leave, never once did I try to replace him.
Great, nor did you do any of those things in your relationship with your OTHER best friend. But as I said to you yesterday-if you suggested to his wife that his level of commitment/responsibility to YOU should be the same as to HER because you and he are best friends-that little firecracker would DEFINITELY slap you and likely kick your ass. You are TOTALLY missing the part where people who are "in love" and "romantic" and "best friends" and "committed for life" owe each other some amount MORE of some indefinable aspect of themselves than those who are JUST "best friends". I guarantee that HE does NOT put you on equal status as HIS WIFE. So why would you think that I would be content with you putting me on equal status as HIM?
He's AWESOME. I appreciate him greatly. I FOUGHT for you to rebuild that friendship GG!! HE wouldn't even BE IN YOUR LIFE were it not for me AND MY DEVOTION TO YOU EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED OR ASK FOR ME/MY HELP...... Because of my covenant to be all I can be for/to you, I fight for what you need and what is best for you EVEN IF YOU DON'T ASK ME TO and in fact ESPECIALLY if you don't ask me to..... because IT IS MY JOB as your SIGNIFICANT other....
Maca gets frustrated with me bacause I don't "act" like a boyfriend. And I argue with him saying that It's difficult to be a boyfriend of someone who has a husband.
Interestingly I think I get this INTELLECTUALLY-because it's much what Mono says and I've been studying Mono's posts for 6 months.
But personally-I don't understand it at all. If my child was dying in the hospital, and Maca were there, I would not be "needed", he can do all the things for them that I can. BUT I WOULD BE THERE because his presence is about THEIR relationship and HIS responsibility to the covenant of fatherhood he made. MY presence is about OUR relationship and MY responsibility to the covenant of motherhood I made.
Likewise-It is NOT hard for me AT ALL to imagine upholding my responsibilities to you if you also had a wife-because HER responsibilities to you due to HER covenant to you is NOT PERTINENT to mine and does NOT negate mine in any way....
...Finally today, LR asks me what I think the difference is between a "best friend" and a "significant other". And I never really even thought of compareing the two that way. Reason being, they are one in the same to me. Only S/O's have a romantic part of their relationship.
All privileges come with a responsibility. As I said before, the romantic part is the privilege of a S/O. What is the responsibility GG?

Tonoght I was making comparisons to my other best friend Getsueh. What is the difference between my relationship with LR and my relationship with Getsueh? And other than the romantic end of it, and the fact that LR/ I are in love with each other, and Getsueh and I are NOT, though we do HAVE love for each other, there isn't any difference. Not to me.
This is the reason I can't have a primary relationship with you. I tried, but it's not POSSIBLE for me to have a primary relationship with someone who doesn't differentiate between a primary and their best friend. I can't and I won't pretend I can.

I would die for both of them. I trust both of them. I do what I can for both of them. I'm friends with both of them. I support both of them. I give my time to both of them. They in turn have done so for me. But she is the one I care more deeply for. If they were hanging over a cliff and I had to let one of them fall, it would be Getsueh because I'm not in love with him. (And I know he'd expect me to do that)...
People use that stupid cliff comparison all of the time. But I AM HANGING OFF THE GOD DAMN CLIFF GG and ironically I'm hanging alone-but you ARE NOT choosing to pull me up, even though you don't have to let him fall in order to do so.
BECAUSE you don't feel like it's your place.... WHAT?!?!?!?!??!
You don't feel like it's your PLACE?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Do you SEE the issue here?
I know that she's going through a hell of a time during her recovery. And she also knows that I am willing to be here for her 24/7 if she needs me to be.
HUH?! IF?!?!
IF is what sticks in my craw. Go back and re-read the section about "if" my child were dying in the hospital... would I go IF they needed me to? No. I would go BECAUSE IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY. BECAUSE I made a covenant to be their parents it is now my RESPONSIBILITY to be there WHETHER OR NOT I AM "NEEDED".

I just have other people that I care about that I want to visit sometimes. I'm not gone for more than a day when I do.
WTF does this have to do with this topic? No, don't answer. IT DOES NOT PERTAIN. I too have other people I care about that I want to visit sometimes. In fact I want to go MEET two people I have come to care about for 10 days in August! WHAT does that have to do with this topic? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Additionally, unlike you, I DO have ANOTHER person who I am ALREADY in a covenant with as a PRIMARY SIGNIFICANT OTHER. Try that on for size. You are struggling to be willing to make that level of commitment to ONE person.

Maybe she wants to know that I prioritize her more than my other best friend.

WANT? WANT? M'ebe, you are so fucking lost at this point I don't even know what to SAY.

I love her SO MUCH. And this is killing me! I would do ANYTHING to make her happy.
That is a DANGEROUS and STUPID road to travel. It's not about what I "want"; it's about doing what is RIGHT. If you spend all of your time trying to do what I "want" you will fail. Because what I want is to follow the path I belong on and you can't create THAT.

But I wonder if, because she's depressed (as one of you pointed out) she might not be realizing that I'm here too.
That isn't the issue. It was a good guess on Ourquad's part but she's not here and you should know better. I DO know the "subtle" things you (and Em) do. That isn't the issue at all.
I didn't know she was having this issue with me until yesterday. I thought it was because of her medication, and her frustration at being restricted. I've tried talking to her and I had no idea that there was this hidden issue.
It wasn't hidden. It's just that you aren't in anyway motivated to DO the job of a primary significant other.

I should have stayed because it was the "right thing to do". Because even if she was fine enough FOR me to not have ot be here, and YOU were here with her to take care of her, I should have been here for at the very least, support.
Wrong. IF you want the relationship of a primary significant other then you should do the job off one. If you don't then there is nothing wrong with not doing that job.

I should stay because I love her and I know it would make her happy if I did.
Wrong again. It's not about making me happy. Re-read above as many times as necessary.
It's really all in our mind and heart. When our love & concern for someone becomes deep enough they just "become" a priority. We no longer even think about it or analyze it. We just act - based on that inner instinct and connection of what is needed. What's the best that we can do.
It's not about who ELSE might also be doing it-we just can't stop ourselves, we MUST do it. Something within us drives us to.
It definitely IS a different way of thinking & living. The examples Maca used were great. If you think about what your reaction would be if it was your child (in some cases) then you know how to act - without even thinking. There really are no options.
Oh you people! Bring tears to my eyes. There really are no options. You just HAVE to-it's like HAVING to pee, at a certain point it doesn't matter if you are at the potty or not-you HAVE to go.
So although I agree (and speak similarly often) that a deep, best, friendship contains MOST of the qualities that make for a successful love relationship and kind of form a minimum specification, there still remains that small, subtle and critical difference.
Yes. Yes. Yes.

When it comes to those we love - thoughts of others simply don't enter the thought process at all - let alone any discussion. We simply don't care ! We know what we NEED to do - and we just do it. Nothing else matters.
Wish I could type this out in the sky!

Maybe this is a breakthrough ? I see the seeds........
I pray you are right GS.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote