I'm a 25-year-old lady in a relationship with a 25-year-old dude. I'm bi, he's pretty straight. We've been together about 2.5 years, and several months ago, he told me he wanted to be non-monogamous. I have struggled with this, mainly because of semantics and labels, which often come across as esoteric jargon to me. Also, I sometimes snarl at the idea of him buying flowers for some other woman. But I was always interested in various sexual ventures that included multiple people, so we decided that pursuing others (individuals and couples) together would be a fine first foray into opening the relationship.
Some things to note: I see nothing wrong with non-monogamy. I do have some reservations about making non-monogamy a lifestyle or like a banner that we wave around as though our preference for romantic or sexual relationships somehow defines us. I've REALLY struggled with this. I guess I just don't want it to take over my life? But my partner is SO enthusiastic about it that it's been practically the only thing he talks about since he brought it up, and it has made me sad because our lives are about many other things, not just who we're going to date next.
Anyway, we found a woman we both liked, took her out, decided to rendez-vous for a threesome. It went well, except for one thing that rubbed me the wrong way: we had just gotten to the hotel and were sort of milling about getting things together, and when I went into the bathroom, I came out to find that they had gotten started in my absence.
He later said that he found it a bit uncomfortable as well, to be starting something when I wasn't in the room to be included.
But we met up with her again, and once more, when I had my back turned (pulling out various fun toys) when I turned back, they were already naked and making out. Then, later, we were all in bed snuggling, post-sexytimez, and I got up to use the restroom. ONCE AGAIN, as soon as I left the room, they took it as a cue to get things started again.
I am trying not to overreact, because once I have joined in with them, it is pretty inclusive and I stop feeling left out. But it doesn't feel great when your partner tells you he wants to have sex with you and someone else, but then demonstrates that he really only feels like that once you've left the room. I am hating the feeling that they want me to be gone so they can go on without me.
Is this just weird, awkward, new-at-threesomes behavior (note: the woman we are seeing is NOT new at threesomes) or should I consider making it a point to never leave a room again?
Also: hi, everyone. =)