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Old 12-23-2013, 10:30 PM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Terra Nullius
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
As some one who needs to hear the apology BEFORE any explainations/ justifications, this is a HUGH deal. My husband is like you and thinks that his explanation and the intent behind is good enough. For someone who actually needs to hear the words "I'm sorry", this just comes off as a justification. Until there is a genuine apology with NO explanation/justification, those of us who need to hear it can't move past the hurt. Our brains can't shift gears beyond the hurt until we hear a genuine apology.
Thank you so much for sharing how it is for you. Yup, that sounds like how things are for Grotto too.

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Why is it hard to say, "I'm sorry my actions hurt you, that was never, my intent"?
I have said that. I feel - and have said - I'm sorry that I've derailed your emotions over this. I gambled with your feelings and you got hurt. It's really shit. I never wanted to hurt you. I was careless. I'm sorry. We kinda went through this right back when it happened (in June).

Now he says the sorry he hasn't yet heard from me, the sorry he needs to hear, is a clear "sorry, I did the wrong thing." Taking responsibility for my actions. I'm not exactly sure what that means. The fact I don't know what that means, seems to disturb him. For him, it's a simple thing. To say "yeah, I was drunk, I wasn't thinking clearly, but I did a shitty thing. I fucked up."

I can't just parrot back some words that he says he needs to hear. There's nothing genuine about that...

I've talked about how I do actually feel. If what I actually feel isn't good enough for him, then I'm not sure what to do.

Last edited by fuchka; 12-23-2013 at 10:33 PM.
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