Whip has found yet another play partner. If my needs were being met, I doubt I would care. But I do. Why in the hell is he adding more people?
I was doing kind of better with the whole play in public situation. But he told me that he has connected with someone at a party and they are play partners now. I'm glad he told me - that's our agreements. But I am angry all over again.
It didn't help that on the same day he told me this, someone I hoped to be a potential play partner was just interested in fucking me on the day he was off. I'm fine with casual but I'm not interested in being an available hole. He clearly gave the impression anyone would do as long as she was available right then. So I am terribly discouraged right now at finding just play partners, much less anything more significant.
And I am angry what feels like all the time.
I don't want to bottom for him at all. I am too angry to want sex with him. And I do not want a vanilla only relationship. It's just not what I want. I don't want to top in private because I am too angry.
I feel trapped with no way out again. I am failing to have any empathy for him. I cannot see past my own rage, and pain, and frustration.