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Old 04-04-2010, 09:22 PM
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GreenGecko GreenGecko is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 37

You're right on that last part, Maca. I did want to go to the concert. And I also felt a "responsibility" to go (if you will) because the ticket was a non refundable gift.

Were it a day or two after the surgery, I wouldn't have gone. BUT, the same mentality I had for why I stayed home the first surgery, was a justification of why I thought it okay to go to the concert.

I understand a little more about my level of commitment to LR, and you as well. I should have stayed because it was the "right thing to do". Because even if she was fine enough FOR me to not have ot be here, and YOU were here with her to take care of her, I should have been here for at the very least, support.

I should stay because I love her and I know it would make her happy if I did.

Same as going over there next week. Until I know that she's okay with me being away, I need to hold her feelings and needs over that of the others.

Getsueh is a true friend, and he will understand if I tell him "not right now".

But I cannot escape the feeling of... I don't know that guilt is the right word... Disappointing him, maybe, but cancelling out.

There's a big issue with what I do being misconstrued as something that LR is "making" me do, and even if I say "hey, I'm doing this because I love her and when I feel it's okay, I'll let you know." I'm worried they'll still think it's her making the decision. But I guess there's not much I can do about that, what they think. I know that Getsueh will understand, and he being my other best friend, that's the one I need to concern myself about who's feelings I hurt.

BUT, because I have a commitent to LR, I MUST prioritize her needs first.

I know we differ on things, Maca, but I do value your thoughts and input.
It's all about priority
"...I can't live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me..."
"...Am I a part of the cure, or am I part of the disease...?"
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