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Old 04-04-2010, 07:23 PM
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maca maca is offline
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Some of you are right in thinking that I've been trying to allow for Maca to be there for LR. But, being in this poly relationship, I need to realize that I am just as important to LR as Maca is.
Sept 25th LR gave me a choice to make. She elevated your position in her life to the statues of mine.She put our marriage up against her relationship with you and you still dont realize your importance to her?I have to tell you, that makes me feel very unimportant. I completely changed my world around, LR stuck her neck out for you, ( I know it was for her also, she needed to get back to being true to herself) we both started taking steps to find ways to make this work. You just stood back and reaped the benefits.

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I have this real issue with worrying that I'll step on his toes. All the years they've been together, I've been the only one that supported them in their marriage all the time. Never once did I ever try to manipulate my way into a relationship with LR, never once did I try to make Maca leave, never once did I try to replace him. But I did wrong him in having an affair w/ LR. And because of that, and through all the years between then and last year when we decided to go poly, I constantly try not to make it seem that I'm pushing him out of the way, or away, or stepping on his toes.

As I told you GG my relationship with LR is mine alone. Im the only one that can affect the direction and speed that MY relationship with her goes. I communicate with her and WE compromise about the issues that WE face together. You seem to think that you have the abality to make LR or me do somthing different by yourself. No one can MAKE anyone do somthing that they dont want to do.

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Maca gets frustrated with me bacause I don't "act" like a boyfriend. And I argue with him saying that It's difficult to be a boyfriend of someone who has a husband. And it became obvious to me that we view this differently (among many other things)...
You told me yesterday that you think that if you DO more physical things with LR ( to show your commitment to her) then you would feel as though you were stepping on my toes. I lost it and started shaking my head , you dont get it, its not a doing of things that you are missing its a feeling that you are missing. You are good at the language of love, you write all the right words and sometimes you even say the right things but you dont live and breath it.

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...Finally today, LR asks me what I think the difference is between a "best friend" and a "significant other". And I never really even thought of compareing the two that way. Reason being, they are one in the same to me. Only S/O's have a romantic part of their relationship.

For years, I've claimed LR as my best friend, and I am hers. But now that we are BF/GF, there's this...expectation that I never understood, and partly still don't. I realized tonight that this is what Maca has been talking about all along. He told me a while ago that we (LR/ I) can't be "friends" anymore. It's different now. But I don't know how to have a loving relationship with someone who isn't my best friend.
What I told you was that things are and will be different.Being "just friends" or even being "just best friends" is not the same as being a SO. As I told you yesterday you two are better at being friends then you are at being more then that. Thats not to say that things cant change, but thats where I see things at the moment.


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What is the difference between my relationship with LR and my relationship with Getsueh? And other than the romantic end of it, and the fact that LR/ I are in love with each other, and Getsueh and I are NOT, though we do HAVE love for each other, there isn't any difference. Not to me.
You just named two pretty dam significant differences.




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I know that she's going through a hell of a time during her recovery. And she also knows that I am willing to be here for her 24/7 if she needs me to be.
The part of this that sticks in my craw is " if she needs me to be". Its not about need. I will always be there for her , not because she "NEEDS me to" but because I want to, SHE wants me to, its my place, its where I belong, its my ... for lack of a better word... job.

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I just have other people that I care about that I want to visit sometimes. I'm not gone for more than a day when I do.
Timing is everything. If one of the kids was having surgery or was very sick you wouldnt go running off to watch a concert or go play D&D with your guys friends would you? I sure as hell wouldnt. They are more important to me then my own fun is. Same thing goes for my SO.


Maca
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Last edited by maca; 04-04-2010 at 07:27 PM.
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