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Old 12-22-2013, 05:11 AM
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Pen Pen is offline
Join Date: Dec 2013
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Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
First question, how long have all of these relationships been? (you+fiance, you+GF, fiance+GF).
You said "triad" so I assume that all three of you are involved with each other - correct me if I am wrong, because that does change the dynamic.)
I've been with my fiancee for about 2 years now. My gf came into the picture about 2 months ago - she's an ex of mine, the reason it didn't work out then was because of distance without a chance of meeting for several years. My fiancee has known about her for 6~ months and pretty much instantly fell in love. Our gf asked if it was okay to join the relationship 2 months ago after I mentioned it was open and we were all flirting with each other.
We are all involved with each other, yup.

Do you currently live with your fiance?
Yep, been living together since about a month after we met.

Was there ever a time when you all lived in the same place?
How did that go?
How old were the relationships then?
Nope, this will be our gf's first time leaving her country at all.

A month-long visit seems like a good "trial run" but being a guest is still a whole lot different then uprooting your life. If she did move there, would the plan be for her to move in with you (or you+fiance if you live together)? Would you be supporting her while she found work? Or would she not move until she had employment set up? Will she have the resources to travel "home" if she feels the need? Could she move back "home" readily if it doesn't work out? What if I doesn't work out with just one of you?
She'd be moving in with both of us if she decided to move in. We would be supporting her until she got a job. We also have it in place that if she couldn't find work for more than 2+ years we'd still be able to care for her. That's if it takes a while to have everything transferred over at that point (if she decides to stay).
We could probably send her home after 2-3 months of work if she wanted to go back, even if she wasn't working.
We'd be roommates if it didn't work out, if she wants to stay in the states. I'm not gonna be like "oh everything is roses and sunshine forever" but I think we know each other well enough that living in the same house wouldn't be an issue. Same goes for my fiancee. Unless something irreversibly catastrophic happened, we'd be roommates after a breakup. There's also friends we can live with nearby if stuff did get bad. And regardless of what happens I really don't want to strand someone in a place they don't want to be, so I'd do my best to get our gf home if she wanted to leave regardless of relationship status.

So many details and things to consider...

I don't really know any tricks on the "helping someone not feel homesick" front...(it's something I have never experienced and I don't do serious LDR.)
I appreciate it even so! I've only felt homesick once, when I was in a bad relationship a few years ago and just wanted to get out at that point. (one of those "I'm allowed to date anyone and you're only allowed to date me" scenarios. Couldn't do it.)

I'm heading off to bed but I'll reply to responses in the morning.
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