Thread: Mono People.
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Old 12-21-2013, 10:58 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

The concept of a relationship "going somewhere" as if it had a specific destination amused me, given my own recent circumstances. It has become abundantly clear that holding an expectation that a relationship will go somewhere, often defined by some societal norm, is a path to disappointment. And yet, even knowing that, we can be emotionally programmed to feel it necessary that a relationship follow a recognizable path to a goal.

In my own situation, I was part of a polyfi triad that crashed and burned in slow motion. I left a year before my couple separated and filed for divorce. The divorce is still pending after 8 months.

After reconnecting with E, he and I found things totally different. We were both traumatized by the loss, we didn't feel the same toward one another as we had when we were three but we both had expectations that we should feel the same about each other. We knew given the twists and turns our realtionship had endured any expectation was illogical. Yet we both found it very difficult to shed ourselves of them. For me, it felt like giving up the expectations prompted another grieving process - an acknowledgement that we had lost everything. That said, using logic, we kept trying to digging our emotional selves out of the expectation rubble, and eventually succeeded.

We don't know exactly what the future holds for us - except that we will always be a part of one another's lives - but FINALLY letting go of those hopes has allowed us to be present in the moment we are together, to enjoy and appreciate one another without the feeling that whatever our relationship is has to fit a definition and / or play out a certain way.

Now to those who feel their relationships are going nowhere, it may very well be that your relationship is not fulfilling your needs. And that is something that is a valid consideration. It sounds as if you both would prefer to have a live-in partner or at least someone whose time was more readily available to you. Nothing wrong with that. I hope to have that myself at some point. I get the feeling that you feel that your current relationships not only do not provide that to you, but impede you from finding one that will. Something to consider?
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