Thread: Mono People.
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Old 12-21-2013, 07:37 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,713

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Where is "anywhere"... and where is "here" in relation to that? Inherent in any statement about a relationship "not going anywhere" is the expectation that there is a goal which should be reached, and that where the relationship is right now is not enough. What expectation does is kill the present moment. And, in reality, the present is all we actually have! So, before discounting a relationship as not being enough, I would ask myself questions about what my relationship gives me right now. Do I feel heard? Do I feel valued? Do I feel respected? If things are good with how my relationships are now, why should I negate that by wishing they are different, ie., "going somewhere?" And why does some fantasy about the future hold more value to me than what is in my life right now?
I agree with this. I, myself, prefer to NOT plan out what a relationship is supposed to look like and let it grow, unfettered, into whatever shape it takes.

...and yet...I do have goals and aspirations in my life (financial security, early retirement, travel, etc) and if certain people in my life (aka my husband and my boyfriend) take up those goals and aspirations as their own (and I theirs) then that adds another dimension to our relationship(s). We find ourselves planning a future together, shaping our lives to accommodate these shared ideas.

But, by not having expectations about where a relationship is supposed to go ... we leave the opportunity open for a relationship to "go" anywhere.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 12-21-2013 at 07:40 AM.
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