Yeah, I am blogging to process & I write what I am feeling. not always reality as others involved would see it, but my current perception of reality.
I write earlier it would be easier to have a relationship with P if his wife accepted me. Truth is, she does accept that he has a relationship with me and that it was a very deep and connected one. Doesn't mean she accepts or ever would ever accept me in the sense that I considered her a part of my family, not an outsider, or even accept me as a potential friend when she would not even give it a chance. I finally gave up asking her if she would like to do anything of a social nature, alone or with me & P. No matter, even if P and I were to become partners again I accept there never would be a relationship. Instead of asking me not to ask her anything, she blocked me on FB when when P and I were at our worst and I asked her if she could verify a detail I didn't trust P to be forthcoming on at the time.
Yes, I'm still stuck on P needing to understand how and why I got so wonked out about not getting reassurance after the whole C fiasco, or even that more reassurance before I got to the overwhelming insecurity. Perception is reality.
Relationships suck!!!!!!!!!!! Mono sucks, mono having a Poly partner sucks more.
what do I want? That's another post..