Either you are going to have to accept things as they are, move on, or spend you time apart stressed and upset.
Yep. Right now I am choosing stressed and upset. :/ I am aware of how shitty I am over this. That's why I dump a lot of my emotions here, so I can continue on most of my days with it dragging me down. Writing it helps me bring things into focus, and figure out how to cope.
The fact that I am a horny person doesn't help. I haven't had any penetrative sex for a couple weeks now and it is making me even more needy than normal. So take all my ramblings at arm's length. They are colored by sexual frustration as well as anxiety and stress because of the holidays. The NRE is still going strong for me towards M, as well.
The one good thing that has come out of all this stress and scheduling drama is that I have discovered that as much as I didn't want to date anyone else but M, I have had positive experiences with other guys. I haven't felt like being with them has made me feel any less for my husband, or for M. I guess I knew that would be the case, since it was with my husband, when I started dating M. But still, it was nice to see that I still have NRE for M. Just thinking about him gets me all squishy in places.
That's why the anxiety over seeing him is that much more amplified. It makes me bonkers, a bit. I recognize it, I claim it.