I've only been able to skim your latest posts but I have to tell you a lot of it sounds familiar. Even though I have the independence thing down cold - perhaps even too independent - so many questions you pose resonate. I have proven to for years that I can take care of myself very well but I made room in my life to love him, to allow him to depend on me and omg even me to depend on him. I call him my partner. But what is a partner? I live with him. We share a lot of my money. So that is a big chunk, but what about shared life goals, energy, creativity? He is more than a boyfriend but a true partner? Would I go into business with him?
As far as multiple partners - sure with enough free time I could have casual partners. But I don't want to dilute my fierce love energy. I know some insist they can love more than one with that intensity but so far I can't. And geeze, I have a big job, a commute and friends and a home and I seem to take a lot of self care.
It seems you also have to fight the temptation to blame - blame him, her, whatever. I'm in the middle of struggling with that. I'm pissed that I have to spend so much emotional energy coping with his poly. But then I have question that assumption, I chose to be here, and then the next assumption. It is getting possible for me to do it now without the emotional volcano. Wow I read you are challenging it too. If I wrap my brain around what this relationship is, accept it compromise, the next thing I know, I have something I never wanted in the first place. Something I swore I never would do again. Yikes!
I dashed that out, I need to run, but I was happy to read that I'm not alone. May the force be with us!
Me: mono, 52, serving S in a PE relationship for six years, living together since April 2012
S: has been poly since he can remember, 37
A: His new girl, under consideration