I am sorry you are hurting...
From what you have said to me M is showing you exactly where you stand with him. Actions speak louder than words. He tells you what you want to hear to keep you. But he doesn't see or cannot make you a primary along side his wife. Stop making some one a priority who makes you an option.
I am not saying dump him. Just put M on the back burner But why not focus on A more who seems very much able to meet your communication and the need to see each someone more often. Or find someone else who fits your needs.
If you can not do that then you are going to have to realize that if you want M this is the way it is going to be. I have seen no progress to meeting your needs what so ever on his part.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.