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Old 04-04-2010, 04:03 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by GreenGecko View Post
Maca gets frustrated with me bacause I don't "act" like a boyfriend. And I argue with him saying that It's difficult to be a boyfriend of someone who has a husband. And it became obvious to me that we view this differently (among many other things)...

...Finally today, LR asks me what I think the difference is between a "best friend" and a "significant other". And I never really even thought of compareing the two that way. Reason being, they are one in the same to me. Only S/O's have a romantic part of their relationship.

For years, I've claimed LR as my best friend, and I am hers. But now that we are BF/GF, there's this...expectation that I never understood, and partly still don't. I realized tonight that this is what Maca has been talking about all along. He told me a while ago that we (LR/ I) can't be "friends" anymore. It's different now. But I don't know how to have a loving relationship with someone who isn't my best friend.

My grandparents went through many trials during their marriage, but they were always best friends. They had good friends of their own, but THEY were each other's best friends. and that is how I've always thought of a great marriage/ relationship should be. So in my mind, I didn't understand why that had to change now that LR/ I were "together".
Just curious, could you have slightly misinterpreted what was said. I have never known anyone to say their loves are not best friends. However, if you were best friends and moved to lovers the dynamic changes, you can never JUST be a best friend again.

For example, my wife is my best wife is my lover. I have responsibilities to both of those dynamics that are very fluid.

Hope that made sense.

... LR says that there are certian "responsibilities" that a significant other takes on that a best friend doesn't. But she wouldn't tell me what any of those are, because I don't see it that way. She doesn't want to influence me to do anything that I don't think is important enough to think of myself. I can understand that.
Wow...ya, I can't verbalize the difference either. Sorry I can't even really "tell" the difference, but I can compare how I am with my best friend A and my ex-lover and best friend E. The differences are small but important. I will have to think about this to figure out what the difference is...

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