Oh Azzy, that's horrible.
I assume Newbie is gone?
I am so sorry.
If you are in the US, try the Kink Aware Professionals (KAP): https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kin...-homepage.html
I'm afraid I don't know of resources outside of the US.
Also, even if you can't find someone who advertises as kink/poly friendly, talk to someone anyway
. A therapist who deals with LBGT issues is often a good bet to be willing to listen about kink and poly. This is tough stuff. Don't sort it out on your own.
Finally, another (((hug))) and a 'This was not your fault
I know you won't believe that last bit right now. But it is true.
Feel what you are feeling. Everyone feels guilt around a suicide. Everyone. Try not to get stuck there. This was not your fault.
Again, I am so sorry.