Big changes afoot.
Fly and I have broken up.
He's never been a great boyfriend, but you know how you make excuses for someone because you love them? Well, it finally got to the point where even I didn't believe my excuses.
We haven't had sex for over 6 months, and even then it was sporadic and infrequent. We've been pulling apart from each other, and felt very distant. I kept trying to keep the family together, but he refused to ever discuss anything, just kept saying (for months) that it was a bad time and we'd talk later. He kept blaming and guilt-tripping me for the demise of the relationship, but wouldn't tell me why or what I was doing. I realize now that he just wanted to place blame, not actually accomplish anything.
He was so disrespectful of my time, belittled me, controlled and manipulated me by using my love for his kid. I came to understand that he's not particularly nice or good, just charming and the charm doesn't go past the surface. He truly has no understanding that there's a world that exists beyond his own wants and desires, and no interest beyond getting those wants met. At this point, he's now rewriting history to make it seem like I wasn't meeting my financial obligations, when in actuality he owed me money every month that I just dealt with because I love him.
I've held on for a long time because of the kid (and my chickens!), but I finally had to put my foot down regarding the way he treats me, and apparently he didn't like it. He asked me to move out by January 31. Since it's his house, there's not much I can do but leave.
I took kiddo out the other night, and said something about his mom and he said "But you're my mom too!" I just about lost it. I'm completely devastated to not be with my kid every day, but since I'm just dad's girlfriend, I have no rights to visitation or anything like that. I'm much less upset about the boyfriend, it's a bit of a relief to be free from that. I love him and always will, because that's who I am, but I've definitely learned that just because you love someone doesn't mean they're a good partner for you.
This also means the big upcoming Australia trip is off, but that's ok. I'll miss my friends that I have in the [sport] community, but I know I can travel on my own any time I want. At this point, I think I'm going to spend a week or two in Hawaii in March with Moonlight, who already has a trip planned and accommodations booked.
Definitely bittersweet. I'm so ready to be free of someone who treats me like a nanny and housekeeper, but it's killing me to lose my boy.
So now I'm apartment hunting and trying to restructure my life. Moonlight has been wonderful, and our relationship continues to grow and thrive. Punk has also been supportive, and I'm looking forward to a date night with him after the holidays. I'm actually really excited to have my own space again, and to not have a curfew or arrange my life around someone else's to the point where I have to ask permission to go out to dinner with a friend.
Change, change is in the wind.
- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo