Re (from london
"You see, one of my biggest fears is dating someone who I bond with, and then they decide they don't want either of us to be poly and I have to choose poly or them."
Hmmm. Logic then dictates that you should ask this someone for their take on poly sometime before you actually bond with them. Does that help to narrow it down to some kind of a time frame?
That said, if it was me I'd mention in my profile that first of all I was poly, and secondly, that anyone interested should be willing to state early on what their take on poly is. Then they can't say I blindsided them when I ask them early on to state their position. If they've read my profile which, as we all know, if they haven't, they're probably not looking for much of a relationship anyway. Though maybe they can still score points if their messages are thoughtful enough.
I think it's reasonable knowing someone's position on poly before actually dating them, especially if interaction with them starts on OKC with messages going back and forth.
Re (from SchrodingersCat
"Rather than, 'How long?' I would be asking, 'What signs am I looking for?'"
Sounds like an even better idea.
Some monogamous dates will be thinking, "This poly thing is just a phase that she'll outgrow when she sees how much better I love her." And then your responses meet up with their confirmation bias and they just become more and more sure of it. Which is how some monogamists become cowboys (or cowgirls). They are "rescuing" you from polyamory (and from a bad relationship). This type of thing is hard to weed out and you really have to stay on top of it.
Just some musings here and there,