honesty beats jealousy, once again
Some updates on many fronts...
The date nights, in order, have gone (in the near past):
AM and me
WI and me
AM and WI
AM and WI
AM and me
WI and me tonight
Amusingly, that's five trio nights, plus each of us showing up on the list 4 times. I'm leaving out the driveby moments, someone bopping into the other's house for a moment. That's just being friends. These are DATE nights I'm talking about. It's pretty nice to see it developing like this...
One of the trio nights involved our third attempt at sleeping in the same bed. It was late, AM wasn't ready to go home, it didn't feel right to let her go. Now, WI has always had an INTENSE feeling about our bed - there will be no other person in it. That means the time that AM and WI somehow ended up laying down in it, and the first kiss happened, she bolted for another room. That bed is OUR bed, in her language. Not that night, it wasn't. WI on one side, AM on the other, it was loooovely. For me, at least. WI got sorely jealous of AM, though, when she saw me all curled up into someone else. She understood the geometry (I always sleep on that side, facing away from her, and AM was lying there), but it still hurt.
There was a lot of talk afterward. AM feeling left out and jealous, WI putting up hard walls of how far she could go, us articulating what we did and did not actually want. It dawned on all of us... we wanted the same level of things, right now. And that led to ... another trio. Intense, far more secure than before.
I had to go on a trip, and AM and WI had an intense conversation while I was traveling. It continued the intense conversation seeded by sleeping in the same bed. They seem to have said really hard things to each other, according to both, but all I hear is honesty, openness, and trust. The sum of it is that they are both ridiculously happy, because honesty wins out over uncertainty. Each of them is telling me that there's a deeper sense of painful truth, but they are both grinning and glowing as they say it. No longer NRE in the innocent glow - the hurtful things really were pretty painful to say and to hear - but a deeper sense of "holy shit, this is really happening."
One consequence of all that: I spent last night at AM's. I'd already said I'd like to do it once a week. AM said the same. WI said, why not?
They almost spent the night together, while I was traveling, the night of their intense talking date. In principle, I don't mind, but it would have been an unexpected surprise to me. If they'd talk to me first, I think I'd be okay. But finding out later would have stunk. I want to figure that out inside myself - why would it stink, when it's something I'm encouraging? I think I like knowing in advance, simply to get used to the idea. It's still a surprise to me that WI isn't monogamous anymore. I'm not used it, some days, and still hear her voice talking about the "one and only" and "that is what marriage MEANS." Things sure have changed. That feels like ancient history. I guess I'm still wary of change being undone, of us going back.
But, they talked and agreed they wouldn't and couldn't. We're moving forward. For now, we've stopped talking about "partners" and about living together - turns out, AM doesn't want to lose a certain kind of independence, and it's the one I want her to have, too. So we're all on the same page, this week, where 2 weeks ago was really hard on me. Such is life as things grow, I suppose.
AM gets some presents from us tomorrow - intense symbols, on the way to someplace that we don't know, yet. I'll write about it later, I hope...