Well things took an interesting and unexpected turn of events. For two days after the last convo I posted about, my gf and I kinda did our own things. I went out two nights in a row, solo, with no complaints from gf. It was amazing! Definitely refreshing independent time.
On the 2nd night she went out with some friends and we met up at home in the morning. I thanked her for giving me space and letting me hang out & do my thing and told her I was happy she was spending time with other people cuz I think it's important and I can tell it makes her happy. She then proceeded to tell me not only did she hang out but.. Ended up hooking up with someone. A guy.
=O! Two things she's never done before (hook up w someone without me - and be with a guy) so it came as quite the surprise. Caught me off guard for sure. Seems like she just wanted to try it out, after all we'd talked about with me being into guys and her having a hard time with it.
I asked if it helped it not seem so scary now that she knows what it's like to be with someone else w/o me around, and if she feels less in the dark after experiencing being with a man. She said yes it helped a bit but the whole time she just wanted to be with me, and that it's still frustrating knowing I want to be with other people. But that it's not okay for her to try and control me because it's not that big of a deal and she wants me to be able to do what I want with other people. She said it doesn't actually bother her as much anymore for me to be sexual with my boyfriend and she's sorry she made it out to be. That it had gone on for so long with me allowing things not to change that she didn't wanna bring it up so she's "sorry for being a jerk." In conclusion to THAT we obviously need to talk more.
As stressful as this whole thing was it really opened my eyes to how critically important it is to be as up front as possible! It's hard to do some times but is seriously so important. So I will continue working on that and remembering to check in.
I feel relieved, secure, confident and liberated now that she said she's open to me being with other people. I don't expect her to be overwhelmed with excitement about it and I'm sure we will hit bumps in the road but for now I feel like this is HUGE progress!!!