Wow, how absolutely dreadful (((hugs))) I am really sorry to hear this.
I missed this the first time around and had no idea it was an old thread, just read it from the beginning, I was just going to reply to you saying how much FJ seems like my ex husband. Same personality type, very introverted and how I did not know about Poly back then but I felt stifled and miserable in my marriage. At the time I did not realise but he is on the spectrum and did not really know how to communicate well, he used to tell me stupid lies and fly off the handle over silly things, but hey, what the heck does one know at 21/22?
But this update has floored me, I can understand completely why you feel so deceived.