Originally Posted by RickPlus
She is unlovable until she gains some maturity and some significant personal growth.
The idea that someone could be unlovable is personally offensive to me. No matter how much I currently dislike this girl, or anyone else for that matter, that does NOT mean that they are undeserving of love.
I think that the idea of withholding love from someone until they live up to standards is extremely disturbing. I do not like it in the least.
I don't want her to stay miserable. I want her to grow and be happy with her life, regardless of my involvement in it. Because she's a human being, and that means she deserves love and happiness.
We probably have differing views on what the word means (who doesn't?) but for me, love isn't something you earn. It isn't conditional, and it can't be revoked if you misbehave. It just is.
For all readers' future reference: I am NOT interested in ways to get rid of her, ways to tear her down, or ruin her relationship with the man she and I both love. That's destructive, and I don't want to be a destructive force in anyone's life. I want to build them both up, and make them both happy. I want to love her because obviously, she DOES deserve love! BECAUSE HE LOVES HER!
Oh...and I probably should add that she did reach out to me today. Kinda. She basically told him to tell me something nice (it was that she loved my new apartment so much she wished they both could move in with my husband and I) and considering all circumstances? That was an incredibly kind and generous thing to say, even if it may have not been genuine. I responded by telling him to tell her that I would gladly make her pancakes every morning. And she liked that.