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Old 04-04-2010, 05:59 AM
EdibleStrange EdibleStrange is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: 180 N Wabash
Posts: 18

Hey Rick...?

Speaking as the wife in this picture, and as someone intimately aware of what was said here (for obvious reasons), I feel like you glossed over a lot of what my husband had to say. Most of it, actually. I feel like you saw the words 'uncertain' and 'jealous' and responded from there.
For example...

the set of rules and restrictions that you place effectively mean that she can't see him (or can almost never see him)
Considering that my husband said the following...
It makes me so happy to see them together.
I just don't want to feel like I'm holding her back from openly loving this guy and spending as much time with him as is appropriate and she is comfortable with.
I feel like it was kind of an unfair statement (almost like an accusation) to make. He's never made any "rules." We've talked about what we're comfortable with, and shared our thoughts and feelings, but he never tried to regulate me in the least. In fact...he ALSO said...
First and foremost, I must say this: I tend to be gentle. Overly-so, in fact. So gentle that only now, after a year of being together, has my wife gotten me comfortable with the idea of being even remotely dominant in the bedroom. So gentle that I am almost never the first one to initiate anything in a relationship, for fear of coming off as overly-aggressive, rough, manly, impulsive, unstable, pushy, needy, or an asshole.
I would think it'd be clear that he isn't the type to make demands, unreasonable or otherwise.

Furthermore, I find the statement (again, close to an accusation) suggesting he read more also perturbing. I mean, all details (
I've been spending most of my workday doing research on this topic
) aside, he used the term 'NRE' in his very first post (okay, TECHNICALLY second...damn character limits...). That implies that he actually DOES know what he's talking about, and has worked really long and hard (and continues to do so!) at his personal growth.

I feel like cookie cutter responses like the one you gave, especially ones with a sort of "RTFM n00b" flavor, are unproductive. I know a whole metric ton of words were spewed loose in this post, and you didn't exactly show up with just a brief paragraph to skim, but if you're really interested in helping, please listen to what's being said before you chime in?

And to Eugene...
Thank you. Thank you very much. Your perspective is helpful, both to my husband and myself. You've done a lovely job expressing yourself and a lovely job helping my husband open up and communicate. Thank you again.
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