I think I understand your position, sounds like mine was very similar.
Its almost like playing a game with someone who you know is cheating/not playing fair. You know you cant win because you aren't cheating, but if you DID cheat, you wouldn't deserve to win any more than she does. Worse, you would be letting someone you don't respect/love shape who you are and how you act in a way you don't really want.
In my case, I decided that I didn't want to become that, and even if I was willing to, I didn't want to have that kind of relationship with him. It was important to me that he make his OWN decisions and have his own strength. Being true to who I was, and hoping he will be true to whats good for him was more important than "winning". (Plus, you can't really help people who wont help themselves or who aren't ready)
When I made that decision, I was almost certain I would lose out because of it. Fortunately, I didn't!
I can't say that will happen for you, or what the right choice is for you. But I do know its a much better life if you focus on controlling yourself and not other people. Some things you have no power over, and that's OK.
Hope that helps, and best of luck!!