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Old 12-17-2013, 10:53 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Repeat after me: 'This is not about me.'

You can ask for what you want in any situation. In this case, you want some clarity about if your relationship with Secondary will continue and, if so, on what grounds. But asking does not mean you will get it, or even a response.

She did let you know she got the letter. That is a response. It is not an answer. She is not obligated to answer you, as rude as that may seem. There is no obligation for her to write a fully detailed letter explaining how you and Secondary may or may not interact in the future.

Her lack of response - in the way you wanted - to your precisely worded letter may not be about you at all. Or alternatively, shemaybesooverwhelmed with it all, that she has withdrawn to think things over. If Secondary has been less than forthcoming (as I suspect he has), she has a lot to think over.

I urge you not to take this personally. Newbie may not be ignoring your existence as so much as wrapping her head around the situation. She might need quite some time to figure out what she wants, and how to say it to you.

I also wonder if Secondary is being opaque because he really doesn't want you interjecting your relationship with him into his relationship with Newbie. He may not see the need to get 'permission' from her for him to continue interacting with you. Not everyone acts on the model that partners need to give permission to interact with others. A lot of people do, in one form or another, but it's not a given.
I agree with all of this, especially the last bit. I'm like that and the way you are behaving after I've told you that I want to be with you would make me feel like you're pressuring me to be different.
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