Thanks for the welcome message, LovingRadiance. I checked out the Golden Nuggets section and wow, there is great stuff in there
To update on my situation, after getting back to the (former) Secondary after a week of no contact, during which the only request I had left him with was to simply explain my relationship with him to the Newbie and get her approval or disapproval, I came back to pretty much the same situation. The Secondary basically just said that he told the Newbie that he had previously been in a "romantically involved relationship" with me. I asked whether the Newbie had indicated her comprehension and given approval for an ongoing relationship, and then he started being really vague again. He just assured me that he loves me and wants to continue being in a relationship with me, but wouldn't say anything concrete about the Newbie.
So, I decided to follow kdt26417's advice and talk to the Newbie myself. With the Primary and Secondary helping, I wrote the Newbie a short letter explaining the situation, asking her permission for me and the Newbie to continue a relationship, and asking what the Newbie's desired boundaries for my interactions with the (former) Secondary and the Primary's interactions with the (former) Secondary should be. I explained all of the terms I used and was very specific with each of the few questions I asked her.
This was more than 48 hours ago. The Newbie immediately acknowledged receipt of the message and has been completely ignoring my existence since. The Newbie didn't even mention my message to the Secondary.
It is now the 18th day of this bullshit and I really can't wrap my head around why I am being treated like this. I feel like I am just getting played with mixed messages. If this is really a break-up, and I still don't even know after more than two weeks, it is actually one of the worst I've been through, because it's being dragged out as long as possible. Even what I considered really bad break-ups in the past, like a guy I was dating for over a year and living with accusing me of cheating on him with the guy everyone knows as my brother—which I hopefully don't need to clarify that I didn't do!—at least was over in 10 minutes.
I had been in remission from mental illness for 7 years before this and now I have been feeling clinically depressed again for the past two weeks. I have been trying to make appointments with psychiatrists but it's hard to find anyone taking new patients. Last night, I was up past 1 a.m. just crying.
I have tried to be honest, ethical, and loving, so I don't get why I deserve to be jerked around and ignored!
Thanks for letting me rant.