Originally Posted by Ariea
I feel abandoned and I don't know how to change myself. I feel like I need to. =\ I feel so depressed that I think about suicide all the time because of this. I feel like he's leaving me, and that he'd rather not be with me, but that I'm more "acceptible" in public in his mind, because I am female (the other person is a male). It's resurfaced old issues of cutting and suicidal thoughts. I feel so alone in this.
So you are feeling suicidal and as though you need to change yourself because you have a gay boyfriend who is using you as a cover story for the public? And the person whom he is using you to cover for is not even nice to you?
Leave this "boyfriend" (he doesn't sound like much of a friend). Take some time for yourself, treat yourself right, and you will find someone who will treat you right regardless of whether you are mono or poly. This is not a mono or poly issue. It's a "I deserve to be happy" issue.
You seem to know this already and need to hear it said back to you by someone else. Trust your self.
Good luck with everything.