Originally Posted by Ariakas
You may find your bf will step up in another situation better than your husband.
Yeah, well I suppose in theory that is true.
To my way of thinking he should be here, particularly since I told him I needed him here (and why) and he agreed to be here.
At the same time I know that it's pointless to insist, it will only start a war, so somehow I have to find a way to come to terms with the difference in our level of expectation in the relationship.
This isn't only pertinent to this example. To ME gg and Maca are equally primary in my life. Even using Mono's much quoted example of which relationship would have the most financial impact, kids etc etc, they both are equal. They are each the biological father of one of my children and each have devoted themselve to raising all 4 kids. Technically GG has been here since my oldest was 2 and Maca only since she was 6. But that's still YEARS AND YEARS.
Both equally contribute financially to the family and both have lived in our home together pretty much the whole time as well.
So anyway-it's becoming evident to me (and Maca) that the role GG is CHOOSING to take is strictly secondary. It hurts. I've already decided that if that's all he wants-that's what it needs to be and changes have started being put in place, but it's not easy to accept.
And it does GREATLY impact my sense of... intimacy with him. My desire for him is currently at an all time low. Like-dead. You would think my hormones just fell out.
My sense of comfort in confiding my feelings, my fears, my "secrets" like we always have, isn't there either. I find myself unwilling to "risk" it. I feel unsure and unstable in our relationship and likewise feel unsafe divulging my deeper truths to him.
I feel a "great divide" growing between us-and I see that as a bad thing. He seems to be only vaguely aware of it if at all. I feel like I lost my best friend and I can't say I don't know why-I do know why. I just can't believe it.
Why is because in spite of YEARS of proclaiming his undying love for me, and a million different ways of saying he wished we could be together;
when the opportunity for that to be, he stood still.
He hasn't become LESS than he was before. But because I thought we both wanted him to be more-I moved forward and well.... he didn't.
THAT hurts enough that its undermining my trust in him.