I was wondering if anyone had advice for me. I've felt very alone in my situation, and if there is someone who dealt with something similar, I'd appreciate any suggestions or tips or advice of any kind.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and he has another relationship. (it is official and they have the boyfriend title as well) I am not allowed to date, etc, but I have no desire to. I get really upset / jealous and blame myself often for his other relationship thinking "if I was skinny / pretty / more interesting he wouldn't want to leave me". I can't help these thoughts.
I've talked to him extensively, but this never helps much, and usually he feels as though I am attacking him. I am careful not to insult him or the other person when talking to him, intentionally (me and the other person have no contact, and this person has extensively used and manipulated and backstabbed me in the past, as we have tried to be friends MANY times before, and my boyfriend agrees that I gave them plenty of chances and that it isn't my fault they hate me so much)
How do I deal with all of the depression and feelings of not being good enough? My boyfriend says he lives me and I believe him, but I'm aware that he says the same thing to the other person and whenever he leaves me for them, I feel like I did something wrong, or he got tired of me. I'm not trying to control him...I just feel so depleted, so miserable from this situation. When he goes to be with them, I wish he was wanting to be with me instead...it's as if my head can follow what he says about me not being "enough", but not fully, and the emotional part won't catch up.
I'm not condemning anyone or insulting, and please don't take it that way. I just...can't understand why it has to be this way. Has anyone felt like this before? Is it normal in this situation? Can I get past it? Should I stop talking to my boyfriend about this?