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Old 04-03-2010, 06:33 AM
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Nzlovergirl Nzlovergirl is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 15

Hey guys.. Well, i guess I should have heeded the warnings given all those months ago My boyfriend and I have just broken up.

Id love to say that it was over something huge and momentous. Something worthy of a broken heart. No, we broke up over the one thing that I knew would be a problem for him one day: My polyamory. There were other things involved though: We’re both at university, so we are in deep there. He’s lost his entire support network: His best friend moved overseas. I moved in, pretty much spending 4 nights a week with him, and it was too much for him. And I have met someone I wanted to explore a connection with. He could not ‘allow’ this and neither of us have the energy to fight anymore.

We have been at logger heads for two weeks but really our connection started to be frazzled about 6 weeks ago when his best friend left and I moved in. And then a week ago he admitted to me that the connection from his end had been lost. The thing is, we still love each other. But that saying ‘Love is not always enough’ really works here.

This all happened yesterday and it was a mutual decision. We met in a park to see if we could discuss the things that could and could not be compromised but we got stuck on the one thing I could not compromise: My polyamory. At the end of 40 minutes, the end of the discussion we looked into each others eyes and knew. He said it first: Well, I guess that’s that then.
Yesterday I took things easy: I watched a movie and some tv with Hubby. Ate some chocolate. And relaxed.

Today, unfortunately I have to work but its ok, its not like I have an in-depth, full of work job. But being here? Reminds me of him in the worst way: I met him through work. He used to visit me here. He used to pick me up from here. Everything reminds me of what we had that’s been lost. I even have a folder of emails that I wish I could bring myself to delete.

The thing that wounds me so deeply is that I feel like we’ve given up and yet I know it’s the best choice for both of us. He can one day find a woman who can be his one and I will stop lying to myself. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.

I guess im putting this here cos its a little painful and how do I explain to my mostly monogamous social network that Ive lost yet another piece of heart? I know he'll look after it forever but still: Its painful.. Also, I kinda don't want them all looking on 'knowingly': Oh, she's broken up again with another guy.

Was I wrong? Should I just have not gone there with a 'monogamous' person? Maybe, but you never know unless you try, right? He really is a wonderful person and I hope he can find his 'one'.
~:Loving life and loving many on this path:~
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