I'm sorry you are upset.
So... what's the expectation here?
- You expect him to maintain an erection for X minutes so you both can have Penis in Vagina (PIV) sex with him one after the other to orgasm?
- Something else?
What's the desired outcome?
- Both to enjoy PIV sex one after the other with him? (Not necessarily to orgasm)
- To have an orgasm in general with him one after the other? (Not necessarily both orgasms achieved via PIV? Willing to use other body parts or toys? )
- To have an orgasm with him stimulating you? Or her? Or yourself with them watching? Just during a 3 person sex share somewhere?
- To have PIV sex with him? (Not necessarily orgasm?)
- To learn to not take things personally if a sex share with 3 persons doesn't always result in an orgasm for you?
- To resolve the core issue thing that resurfaced? (What IS the core issue? You do not clearly state other than mentioning delayed orgasm and a hysterectomy. How long ago was this? How do either of these things make you "less than?" I see you say it is a problem. But I do not see you explain WHAT makes this this a problem to you? . Are nerve endings still healing from surgery? Something else?)
- Some mix and match of the above?
- Something else?
Could you be willing to elaborate/clarify? I am confused.
You know that saying for work? "You can have it cheap, good, or fast. But you can only have 2."
Here it sounds like "You can have PIV sex, you can have an orgasm, or you can have sex with him one right after the other with no breaks to rest in between. But you can only have 2."
Limit of the Universe here. Nobody's fault. Dude isn't a orgasm dispensing machine. He's a person.
We all live inside very human bodies, and we all deal with our own biology and our own aging. You are all learning "HOW" to have a 3 person sex share together. You are all new at it with each other.
If this is the core problem with him....
but as life intruded in our daily interactions, unrelated problems surfaced and our primary connection has become shaky without the care and feeding it has had in the past.
You could focus on making more time for daily interaction to fill the need for closeness and connection with him. Not be bringing baggage from the (you + him) layer of the polymath
into the (you + Him + her) layer when you 3 are sharing sex together.
- Share more time and have heart to heart talks and express how you feel to share emotional intimacy.
- Solve problems together and think things out together and talk to share mental intimacy.
- Have those "baring of the soul" conversations to share spiritual intimacy.
- Could guard against making intimacy of the body (like sex share) be the (solve all the intimacies) bandaid if a few of those have been going skimpy or be the ONLY intimacy you share.
- Could guard against making sex share be only about orgasm.
Your partners seem willing to work with you and be supportive. Sort it out.
I don't know if any of that helps. Hang in there.