really lovely date/evening/night/morning with Brig.
He asked me last night, if it bothered me that he was still listed as 'single' on OKC? And that he was thinking about changing that, that it did not feel quite right, to be listed as single.
This kind of blew me away. We haven't talked much, if at all, about 'what we are doing'. We take it one date at a time, we tell each other we like each other and that we enjoy each others company. I talk to him about Ren and he knows about MrBrown. He asks questions about Ren, and has said he prefers to not be told details about my relationship/dates with MrB. Which is all fine.
But it seems he is taking this thing more serious than I thought he was.
This talk came at the end of a function we attended, we were very tired. I did not ask him (but want to, sometime) if he sees himself being mono with me (he's always only had mono relationships) or if he thinks he could at some point add another relationship. There are so many echoes from my time with C. But I am not sure how much of this needs to be discussed, really. Have I learned enough to just take things as they come?
When we were in bed, right before we fell asleep, I felt this surge of love for him and almost said it: I love you. I've known him 2 months. I did not say it. But it felt really good not to say it, but just to lie there and feel the love rushing through me, towards him.
I think this is what poly means to me. This process of connecting, letting someone in on so many levels. And the possibility to keep doing this, limitless, as many times as you want, as long as you have the time and the energy. Boundless love, really.
As the year draws to a close I am happy. It's been a very difficult year. I want to be careful to not just be happy because I have a new love after losing one this summer. I want to feel good, and peaceful, and content, because I have learned I can take bad things on and work through them and keep breathing and still am able, after pain, to open myself up again and let someone in. This is what I am grateful for, this is what I am proud of.
early forties, straight.