Poly triad hiccup - where to go from here?
This forum has been so helpful. I'm hoping that someone who's encountered this can help guide me to work through it.
I'm F, 38, engaged, 1.5 year into relationship. When I met my fiance, I was open about who I am and also revealed that I was (untested) bisexual. After we solidified our connection, I expressed the desire to open our relationship to include another woman. We had a couple of false starts with women, then met Her about two months ago.
She's wonderful. We've had a wonderful time getting to know her and could definitely see her becoming a part of our lives. She has a lot of caring to give and enjoys the caring she receives from us. Our sexual encounters have been such that I've encouraged Him to be attentive to Her when we're all together since He and I live together and thus far, we'd all seen each other about 1/x week.
Honestly started out with no jealousy. However , I noticed that He was unable to maintain an erection during intercourse with me, (which has happened intermittently throughout our relationship) but He was able to consistently maintain an erection and complete the deal with Her. (And when he does with her, it's beautiful to watch!) I know that NRE has a part to play in that, but as life intruded in our daily interactions, unrelated problems surfaced and our primary connection has become shaky without the care and feeding it has had in the past.
Last night, we were in bed together, She rode Him until She came, then invited me to do the same. I don't know when he started to lose the erection, but He and I looked into each other's eyes for a long time as I felt Him wilt. Then I lost it. I told Him to stop touching me. I cried and withdrew...
I'm ashamed of losing it because I care about Her and love Him. She's said that she's backing off to give us the chance to strengthen what we have. This is not Her fault, it's not His fault. I don't believe it's my fault, yet here's a core issue that's resurfaced from past relationships - the affect my delayed orgasm makes on my partner, which has been exacerbated by a hysterectomy. He knows who I am and loves me through it, but to feel unfulfilled while he has this very fundamental connection with another woman - who is both wonderful and deserving, has been quite painful.
I just feel so defeated. I don't know where to go from here.