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Old 04-03-2010, 12:20 AM
EdibleStrange EdibleStrange is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: 180 N Wabash
Posts: 18
Default Wow. She really hates me.

I am a married female, and have been poly my entire life. I don't LIKE people. I really don't. I never JUST LIKE anyone. I either love them, dislike them, or don't care. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to boil over from the love I have in me. Sometimes I cry because I can't tell my heterosexual, monogamous, female friends (or, for that matter, my much older professors) JUST how much they mean to me. I live in fear of the people I love not knowing how much I love them.

Sorry. Minirant. Back on topic.

Anyway, I'm happily married, and I also have a particular male friend who I'd like to pursue a relationship with. He has made it pretty clear that he is interested in polyamory and in me in particular. Problem? His girlfriend.

She hates me. Bitterly. She has hated me long before any talk of polyamory started. She hated me before she even met me (Facebook can do that!). She just...never liked me. Long before I had any romantic or sexual interest in her boyfriend, I worked really hard at trying to be kind to her and make friends...but she wasn't interested. Her loss.

It would still be easy if they had a happy, healthy, productive relationship...but they don't. When he talks about her, he never smiles. There's no happiness or light in his eyes. They fight a lot, and while he doesn't really vent about their private shit to me, they are both REALLY BAD at hiding it. She is controlling, to the point of skipping class just so he doesn't go out with his friends. We aren't talking late night partying. We're talking "I thought you had class til 3? Well, I'm not going, so come home. I miss you." We're talking simple lunches with groups of friends that she doesn't want him going to. We (meaning me and his social circle from school) make efforts towards including her...but she often says and does really grating things (like calling our Catholic friend a child molester) and now anytime she shows up, everyone else leaves. They are originally from out of state, and she has no interest in making local friends...ergo, why does he need any?

I want to love her. I really do. But there just seems to be so little to her aside from immaturity and cruelty. Whatever he sees in her...I don't see it. I wish I did. I wish I loved her.

She keeps giving him the HER OR ME ultimatum, and he keeps dodging it like...something that dodges really well. I think he might be lying to her about how much/when/why he talks to me as well. And that shit isn't healthy.

I have tried talking to her. She ignores all communication from me. I try talking to him, but he very clearly wants to focus on happiness when we have our rare opportunities to talk, and I don't want to be ANOTHER nagging, controlling bitch. The last thing he needs is TWO women making demands.

I just want him to be happy. And I want her to be happy too, but she seems so determined NOT to be...

Last edited by EdibleStrange; 04-03-2010 at 12:24 AM.
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