Thread: Sailing Solo
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Old 12-15-2013, 02:44 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
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Oh, how horrible for you! I am so sorry.

I agree with NYC that pretending this didn't happen isn't an option. Even if you wanted to, it seems almost impossible to do, but I don't see any reason to anyway. And making unexplained changes seems like perpetuating the lack of communication, so also has no appeal to me.

I think your post expressed your feelings very well. You could even consider sending him a copy of it. Discussion could follow or not, depending upon how your feelings are progresssing - e.g., whether you hope he will explain or whether what he says might make any difference to you.

You could also tell him that you need more time, if you're not ready to deal with it on Tues.

When I thought I was going through a breakup last summer, I had a friend coach me on the discussion ahead of time; it was incredibly useful. I told her the questions I was thinking of asking, and she helped me to figure out what I actually wanted to know, and ways of asking questions that were likely to be answered honestly, instead of prompting answers that were simply aimed at sparing my feelings. The revised questions tended to sound more curious and caring; basically they were more about understanding my bf than about the aspects of the relationship that had hurt me. (My first questions tended to have an undercurrent of looking for reassurance that I hadn't recognized.) The process with my friend really shifted how I felt going into the conversation with my bf.

Of course, the situtations underlying the two breakups are very different, and you may not feel inclined to be caring right now or to have a discussion at all. But perhaps a practice discussion, or bouncing your questions off the board here, might be useful.

You sound like you're holding up pretty well, all things considered. Glad to hear that.
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