So, it's been almost two weeks with no contact between me and Elric except one short email to him basically saying that what sucks most about not being friends on FB is that I can't TP his barn on FarmVille. If you don't play any of the games there, you may not get the reference, but basically it was just a friendly little note, no whining, weeping, wailing, "miss you's" (technically) or any of that. Just a Happy April Fools Day and watch out for the pranksters.
Except now, after almost two weeks, I'm wondering why we are really doing this. I know that a part of it is to "prove" that I am truly done with wanting a relationship more than friendship, but how does us not being FB friends and not communicating at all prove anything? I suppose if you look at it from a "can she follow through" POV, ok... but this just seems silly. I've actually seen him online more
these last two weeks since he turned one of his other IM accounts on again (which he hadn't been using for the last month or so).
I am willing to continue with this, but I am starting to wonder the purpose. Is he truly getting anything out of this? I don't feel that I am as I thought I would. I really think that my turning point was after our Saturday chat and before he unfriended me that first time. I reacted strongly because I thought we were finally getting on the same page and I was finally happy with where we were and where we were headed, then poof!
Anyway, I guess I'm saying that I miss my friend. I miss hearing about his daughter and how his life is going. Just typical friend things really. I'm not having "withdrawals" from our chats like I used to when we first started chatting; it's more of just a general ache when you miss a good friend. I like that that is the extent of how I am feeling. It's reassuring that I'm finally where I need to be emotionally in order to have a platonic friendship with him.
I would love for him to make the first move and either friend me or email/text/IM me to see how I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure he won't, at least not for a month or so, because he is unsure of how I might react or if it will set me back again. Sure, part of the reason is because it would be nice for some confirmation that he and I are ok and that he is not upset with me anymore, maybe even that he believes that I am OK now. But part is also because I can't back down now from what I said, no matter how silly and senseless this seems to me now. So other than a text for Easter and a message as to when I'll be having my c-section, that's probably all the communication we will have for the next couple months...and it sucks.
So, that's where I am at right now. I'll keep y'all posted.